Gratitude

So I have been thinking about gratitude lately.

I was born in the Bay Area in California. The beauty of the area and the variety of things to do make one cringe to hear the words "I'm bored." If you had the ability to walk, access to a car, a bike, or a skateboard, you could get to beautiful vistas or hiking trails.

I used to love to go down in to San Tomas Aquino Creek. Of course, the area up around Saratoga usually ended up giving me a harsh dose of poison oak. But the area from Quito Road near the train tracks all the way down to the area where it divided my neighborhood from Hazelwood School always gave me a sense of Tom Sawyer adventure, even when I was in High School.

The creek was often dry, but when it was stormy, it was great to go near the pedestrian bridge between Westmont High and Forrest Hill School and watch the torrent of muddy water, as it roiled by.

Sadly, from McCoy Ave. and north-northeast, the Creek was made into a cement canal almost until it reaches Alviso. I would say that that creek and Los Gatos Creek run through the heart of the area that I mostly think of as home. And since I am waxing nostalgic, I would also say that it is interesting to me, that although the area where San Tomas Park now stands and has stood since 1973, there used to be an orchard. An Apricot Orchard. In some ways I agree with my friend Dave Jorgensen, we had a discussion the other day about this quantum universe in which we live. He said:

"[I imagine] that we live in a quantum universe, where every choice, perhaps every possible variation in reality, is actually played out simultaneously at the subatomic level. I wonder sometimes why it is that my consciousness, the only one I have any sense of, exists in this particular reality, this particular thread in a random universe, this set of choices. Perhaps it's just a fantasy but I like to imagine that the reality we experience, the one we see and know and remember, is the best reality, it is the place our consciousness choses to follow because it is the best of outcomes for ourselves."

This statement made me reflect on a conversation I had with another friend, LJ Godfrey, who said that he imagined that on some parallel plane he and I were still sitting on the rocks up above the housing projects in Tze Wan Shan, Hong Kong. Enjoying our slurpees and looking out over Hong Kong Harbor on a muggy and grey and hot summer afternoon.

I think that there must be something to that... I could swear that when I drive by it when I am in the area, I see the orchard still there (on occassion, anyway...) It is at those times where I think that quantum universe that LJ and Dave speak about some how crosses into my consciousness. I am really thankful for that ability to see it as it was there, just like it was when I would ride my yellow bike through the orchard on the way to soccer practice at Bucknall Elementary School. Though there would be no blossoms in winter, it was a fun place to ride and climb.

illusions

I still think it is odd that I was there one day visiting Colleen and talking about nothing, and then the next day talked by phone - she sounded better... and in less than 8 hours from that last conversation she was gone. Now it will take a while for this to sink in that she is really gone.

In some ways like this optical illusion, there appears something that is not there but when we look closely we see it is not there - but when we look at the whole, the little grey boxes, (what is not there) appears in the intersections...

Into The City

We decided it was time to make a break from sleppy Delaware. The girls (Diana and Noel) and I went into Manhattan to live it up a bit. We got a late start and didn't really get out of Delaware until around 1:00pm. Noel finnished sewing an Ugly Doll ("Moxy") for Scott as we drove up the length of New Jersey. We came in through the Holland Tunnel. We went up Canal St. and I missed my turn... (I have made an illegal left turn on Bowery in the past, but this time I couldn't and we were obliged to take a detour into Brooklyn.)

We parked on an alley near Scott's NYU dorm just on the north side of Houston. Scott met us ar a coffee shop across from his place. We wlaked to Washington Square, so he could show us where his graduation from NYU will be held.

We then walked to Katz's deli on Houston for sandwiches. That is one of my FAVORITE pastrami's EVER. I'd show a photo of it, but ate it so I'll I can show is the empty plate.

We headed up town to an art supply store, and walked around Gramecy Park. Noel posed at one of the swank places, but I didn't get a good shot... We headed toward the south end of Central Park... Noel shopped a few Madison Ave. spots, but since it was Saturday, some were closing around 6pm.

We kept walking and went down 5th after coming up Madison. We found a cool phot op in a store front and took one of Noel and the flourecent lights. Then We wlked to Rockefeller Plaza and eventually got up on top of the Rock. WHile we were relaxing and resting our feet, it poured rain, but luckily this meant it left some great weather for us when we got up on top. 72 degrees, and a bit of th twilight glow.

We got down to time square, which is much better now than it was in 1983 when I frist visited NYC.

Around midnight we were cruising through Little Italy for some italian ice, and eventually left around 1:00AM for the drive back to Delaware.

Matador makes its Debut

So, I had been hankerin' to get out to the beach and get my new surfboard in the water. We left a bit after 3:40 and we didn't get to Ships Bottom, NJ until close to 6:15 cause I missed my exit off the NJ Turnpike, and we were driving around in the woods of New Jersey for two times too long. Guess I should breakdown and get a GPS thing for the car.

But back to the surf. Keep in mind, that I gave up surfing when Noel was about 2 and a half months old because it wasn't fair for me to take off after I got home from work every night, leaving Diana with a new baby. Noel is 14 next Saturday, so it's been a long time.

But here's the thing, I had this G&S board, three stringers, wood block tail, tri-fin. We lived about three miles from the beach when we were in San Francisco, albeit that surfing Ocean Beach is like a head kick. I paddle out today thinking it is all going to come back to me.

Let's think about this. Of course, exercise one for a guy who hasn't been working out is getting on my wetsuit. My wet suit is also about 16 years old. It is one in a long line of suits. Prior to Christmas my sophomore year, we used to use 'farmer john' dive suits or anything we could borrow. My folks bought my first wet suit for Christmas my sophomore year. I was pretty stoked. That was an $80 gift, a high ticket item. It zipped across the shoulders instead of down the spine. I later bought a cool O'Neill, which was important to me, since I had seen Jack O'Neill drive around Santa Cruz, and wanted to support the local business. The last suits I had before this one were mostly 3/2 and I'd usually stay in the water until the onset of hypothermia... black middle finger, white pinky & ring finger, heavy shivers. So the last time I was in the market for a wet suit, I decided on a 4/3 for some warmth. That makes sense, and hey it paid off since the water here on the East Coast is even colder than Northern Cal (at least in the winter and spring.) But here's the thing. Just like economics, there are trade-offs.

Paddling out was no problem... but paddling for the waves? That 4/3 suit is pretty restrictive, so, Since I haven't been paddling in ages, man, I got a workout. Anyway, I was glad to get in the water, and vow to get into shape. It just seems that over the last 11 years I have been so busy. Sure it is a drag to have to take two hours to drive 95 miles to the beach. But that is still better that 4 hours one way, as was my situation when we lived in Las Vegas. I am looking forward to getting the whole family into surfing, because the Shepley kids surf, and I can't wait til a future date when I am wealthy enough for vacations, and we can go on surf and dive safaris in Costa Rica and Hawaii and other exciting locales.

I really appreciated the family supporting me by making the trip just so I could be happy in the ocean. I know the kids were really hoping to see me get up. Hopefully we will get back on a day when there are waves, and I am in shape to paddle fast enough.

The nature of man and of God

Another thought, (thanks Greeks!)
Originally though about at 2:34am Sunday, Aug 5, 2007

So I was thinking about God as I wrote to my nephew Troy recently, and I thought of a quote, but couldn't remember it correctly... I just looked it up and here is where my "if horses had hands" thought comes from, the Elegies of Xenophanes #57 chapter 2 his writings on Science and Religion written sometime between 600 BCE and 420 BCE we can't be sure when he lived...

(14) "But mortals deem that the gods are begotten as they are, and have clothes like theirs, and voice and form.
(15) Yes, and if oxen and horses or lions had hands, and could paint with their hands, and produce works of art as men do, horses would paint the forms of the gods like horses, and oxen like oxen, and make their bodies in the image of their several kinds.
(16) The Ethiopians make their gods black and snub-nosed; the Thracians say theirs have blue eyes and red hair.
(18) The gods have not revealed all things to men from the beginning, but by seeking they find in time what is better.
(23) One god, the greatest among gods and men, neither in form like unto mortals nor in thought
(24) He sees all over, thinks all over, and hears all over.
(25) But without toil he swayeth all things by the thought of his mind.
(26) And he abideth ever in the selfsame place, moving not at all; nor doth it befit him to go about now hither now thither.
(27) All things come from the earth, and in earth all things end.

I love this concept (especially 14-16) and I love that a man thought of this over 2500 years ago…

Tonight in the woods in the backyard

After dinner tonight, Connor and I walked through the woods behind our house, in spite of the prickly wild berry starts and some other thorny stalks. We took fallen tree logs for bridges back and forth across the creek. Ahead of us, we saw a family of six white tail deer, (they often come around and we see them in our neighbors front yard across the street and in our front yard from time to time. I'll try to get a photo of them.) They would advance and then we'd see them again further down stream. We hiked up the hill on the other side of the creek to the ridge. The dead fallen leaves of many seasons lay on the ground. The hill was still and we followed the deer path. As the sun was setting we crossed down through a dale and up again to the next ridge.

At the top we found a stone hearth with a fallen chimney and the outline of a foundation of a very small home, but nothing of it remained except the foundation's outline and fireplace and toppled but in tact chimney. Along the southwestern ridge near the foundation were a few patches of bright yellow daffodils. The whole time I wished I had the camera. The sun set and we looked back toward our house, a half a mile away. Connor said it was just like we always wanted except no pool or aquarium. (When we lived in Las Vegas, one of the first places we visited near our home was Bass Pro Shop with their interior waterfalls, duck ponds and aquariums.) Connor mentioned that it was cool to see the deer, ground hog, and fox that we have seen all around our house. There are also many robin redbreasts. The sun was gone. The oak, hickory and liquid amber stood all around us. 'I guess we should go back now," said Connor.

Waiting for my chance to surf and paint

Two things about this weekend that I am stoked about:

The new surfboard, and a painting studio in my new house. Can't wait to use both.

Well, It is 2008. I guess I will talk a bit about the changes I have had since December... I have moved to Delaware from Las Vegas. I love where we live now. The home and woodsy setting is so opposite of the desert.

My wife, Diana's mom passed away last week and we went out to California for the service. I was happy to see so many people fill the Temple (San Jose Buddhist Church Betsuin). I know that would have meant a lot to Pearl to see so many friends and family, both pre war/pre-internment camp, and others from other times in her life. The flowers were also abundant and beautiful. The family service at the mortuary was nice, and I was glad to see her brothers with the exception of Gene.

It's odd to think that time will come for me as well. I certainly don't want a viewing. I want my body given to a medical school or harvested for parts that could help someone else... assuming I am not carrying some disease that I don't know about.

I suppose that I can speak about something more cheerful. At this time in their lives, and my own, my kids and wife provide me with a lot of joy. Connor was given a Les Paul for Christmas, but he seems to like to play his Yamaha Pacifica or Noel's acoustic more. I am so in awe of his commitment to practice. I wish I had that dedication as an 11 year old.

Noel is growing up. Both she and Connor loved their friends in Las Vegas, and thus this has been a tough time for them. Noel seems to be feeling like a fish out of water, but I think with the funeral and everything, it has been a tough adjustment. She was, after all, an only daughter of an only daughter (and Pearl was an only daughter, too.)